Image by Tammy Preston Boyd – one of her cats -“Siri Tachi”
My college, bbnewsab, received these letters for submission on Blogger’s GPS
‘Tis the Season
CAT BEHAVIORCATSCOMPLETELY RANDOM NONSENSEPETS
← Why Science?
18 thoughts on “Cat Psychology.”
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 3:43 PM
Absolutely – cats are very individual – more so than most pets. When I was young, I had a mechanic set and built a little cart on wheels. Our cat at the time – Sissy – used top sit on the cart and pushed herself with one back leg hanging over until she hit a wall. She would get off and wait for me to turn the vehicle around, and she would re-board and repeat.She would only get on the cart if was facing in one direction – face it the other way and she would sit by it and wait for it to be turned around. This same cat loved being chased, and I would oblige, making roaring sounds and chasing her all over the house. Then she would turn around and chase me. Ha!
Some years after Sissy had passed on, I went to visit my Mom, who had acquired two new adult cats. Excited, I let out a big roar and proceeded to chase them. Used to living in a quiet, docile home with a retired lady – they panicked and ran under the bed. They wouldn’t come out for the three days I was visiting. My Mom had to put their food and litter box under her bed. Sigh. Oh well.
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 3:44 PM
As an aside SB – I just did a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2015/08/31/gramps-guest-post-by-paul-curran/comment-page-1/#comment-13095 It is my first attempt at fiction and I would be honored if you had the chance to drop by and let me know your thoughts on the piece. Thank You.
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 4:03 PM
Creature #1 at our house is 15, “talks” constantly and likes to be held like a human infant. He’s mostly M’s cat and will stay with him at night unless he isn’t home at all.
Creature #2 is quiet, HATES being picked up but doesn’t mind using me as a pillow. He’s a definite hunter and will bring me this raggedy catnip pumpkin he’s had for almost as many years as he’s been alive (12) in the middle of the night. He’s mostly my cat, and usually will stay in M’s room if he is not feeling well (kid, not a cat).
Creature #3 is M himself 😀
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 5:18 PM
I’m the chief staff member for two felines living in the house
You foolish, silly, naive man! You are the chief servant for two felines. Now repeat it: “I am the chief servant. I am the chief servant…”
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 5:21 PM
Actually, they’re very modern cats. “Servant” gave me too much credit, so they demoted me just to plain old staff member. When I’m not catering to their whims, I’m feeding them and taking them to vet’s appointments. Luckily, nobody’s said “intern” around them yet.
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 7:43 AM
Lol so true! 😸 We are at our cat’s beckon call. Cats do each have their own personality- we had two brothers from the same litter and they were worlds apart- one wanted to eat ice that fell from the ice maker and he liked salmon. The other hated water and only ate cat food.
I still like cats better than dogs- they’re not as needy or filthy (in my humble opinion) lol
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 8:09 AM
We have five cats, and three dogs… Fun house 🙂
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 8:42 AM
I bet you have many stories of comical interactions 😄
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 9:16 AM
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 9:50 PM
Allegedly a newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to “Where do pets come from?”
Adam and Eve said, “Lord when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve, and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom, and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my name, and you will call him DOG.”
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks, and they believe they are worthy of adoration. The Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”
And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased. And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn’t give a shit one way or the other.
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 10:00 PM
Dog versus Cat Diary
The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations clear, I nevertheless must eat something to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
There was some assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously mentally challenged. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 11:39 PM
I’ve read this one before…
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 10:06 PM
How to give a cat a pill:
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding the pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat the process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make a note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put the pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check the label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply a cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the little @!!@#@#$%’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to the leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume the remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How to give a dog a pill:
Wrap it in cheese.
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 10:33 PM
SB you need to add a “Like” button to your blog. These are priceless!
SEPTEMBER 1, 2015 AT 11:33 PM
Okay, I’ll look into it. I’m technologically backward, so it might take a while for me to find out how.
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 1:32 AM
So cool. My best friend kept her cat. I love Fred…and he tolerates me if I have treats. She found him when he was feral…I call her the cat whisperer..I am her second in command, like it or not.
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 5:58 AM
Loved this. Especially that they put a replacement for you where you sit when you are outside!
BTW I got the impression at first you wanted to hide their names, but then you named them. Was that intentional?
SEPTEMBER 2, 2015 AT 10:06 AM
You caught an editing glitch. I was being lazy and trying to use initials, and then I suppose I typed out their names anyways. I went with the edit that was easiest to perform.
Editor’s note: Thank you for “Fkying Zebra”! – If you liked this post, consider hitting my re blog button or Share on FB. ccr
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