Charles Clanton Rogers

Reflections based on poetry, music, visual art, book reviews, history of science, first-person history, philosophical essays and International Blogging big

“Not everything that counts can be counted; 

 Not everything that can be counted counts.” [C]

“When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
‘Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.” John Keates [K]

Ira Byock, The Four Things That Matter Most [Book Review-BR]

How to protect and preserve your most valuable possessions – relationships.

Everyone requires seven powerful words:  forgive, I, love,  me, please, thank,  you  

Four Things

Author: Ira Byock Genres: Inspirational · Psychology

One does not need a particular impending threat to nurture your garden of “people-treasure” Although, this wisdom came from the most senior of us, it is important for everyone as maturity’s values platform, whatever one’s age.

Forgiveness: Many people confuse forgiveness with exoneration. It does not alleviate guilt. Forgiveness accepts the past as it was, the present for what it is, and faces the future. Forgiving is a strategy to become free of the emotional ball and chain of old wounds.

Four phrases:

I.      anchor 6   “Please forgive me”  Although I am not perfect, we are not perfect. We have emotional wounds. “Forgiving is an act of cleansing that enables the wisdom within us to reach out…[and undergo healing.]”

II.       anchor 2     I forgive you” The economy of emotional debt: If someone has “wounded” you, one tends to carry it as a long-term [emotional] debt; the act of forgiving writes off that debt, for you, if not the one who committed the offense, providing a clean slate.

III.     anchor 3    Thank you” “By paying attention to the details of the ways in which people give to us and show us care and consideration, we… focus on our good fortune rather than our problems…feelings of gratitude can pervade our lives.”

IV.   anchor      “I love you” ” Love is its own ‘because!’ “If you love someone, no other reason for loving–or living–is needed.: it is Nietzsche’s “why.” “If one has a why to live, one can bear almost any how” [N]                                                 ”      “I cannot lose you, because if I ever did, I’d have lost my best friend, my soul mate, my smile, my laugh, my everything.” [I]  “You can live without the person who says You are mine. But you can not live without someone who says I am yours. May you be blessed with at least one such person in life!”[I]

Charles Clanton Rogers  Please leave some “footprints” in the comment section.

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[I]  Kazuo Ishiguro; Never let Me Go, 2005 Random House, Inc. Random House Audio, a division of Random House, Inc.

[BR] Publisher’s Summary: “Four simple phrases — “Please forgive me,” “I forgive you,” “Thank you,” and “I love you” — carry enormous power. In many ways, they contain the most powerful words in our language. These four phrases provide us with a clear path to emotional wellness; they guide us through the thickets of interpersonal difficulties to a conscious way of living that is full of integrity and grace.
In The Four Things That Matter Most, Dr. Ira Byock, an international leader in palliative care, teaches us how to practice these life-affirming words in our day-to-day lives. Too often we assume that the people we love know we love them. Dr. Byock reveals the value of stating the obvious and provides insights into how we burden ourselves by hanging on to old grudges unconsciously and unnecessarily. He shows us how to avoid living with those awkward silences and uncomfortable issues that distance us from the people we love and erode our sense of well-being and joy. His insights and stories help us to forgive, appreciate, love, and celebrate one another more fully.
The inspiring stories in The Four Things That Matter Most demonstrate the usefulness of the Four Things in a wide range of life situations. They also show that a degree of emotional healing is always possible and that we can experience a sense of wholeness even in the wake of family strife, personal tragedy, divorce, or in the face of death. With practical wisdom and spiritual punch, The Four Things That Matter Most gives us the language and guidance to honor and experience what matters most in our lives every day.”

[K] John Keats. 1795–1821, Ode on a Grecian Urn Arthur Quiller-Couch, ed. 1919. The Oxford Book of English Verse: 1250–1900.

[B] Ira Byock, The Four Things That Matter Most – 10th Anniversary Edition: A Book About Living

[C] William Bruce Cameron

20 thoughts on “When You Don’t Know What To Say: Four Most, Foremost Ideas

  1. Janice Wald says:

    I love your eye-catching graphic. I agree with the author. We all need those words.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. clanton1934 says:

      I might use this “eye catching graphic” to replace my Zebra?


  2. Words to live by as cliche as it sounds.
    The anchor is wonderful giving a feeling as stability as a person, though it also feels a bit too nautical to your blog. The “I forgive you” image is my favorite.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. clanton1934 says:

      Thank you for your comments. I hope we can keep exchanging these very helpful enrichments!
      ’til later. c

      Liked by 1 person

  3. bbnewsab says:

    A blog post worthy of a true bridge builder. I greet it – and you, KK! – with applause!

    I want to honor you, KK, by playing this music for you:

    Can you hear me calling your name, KK? I wanna be with you everywhere. Your blog is my oasis while surfing the web. Your bridges should be built everywhere! Listen to the lyrics, and you’ll understand what I’m talking about.


    1. clanton1934 says:

      I hear you all the way across the Ocean. Thank you.
      What do think about me changing my main page static logo to the big #-D anchor?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. bbnewsab says:

        Absolutely worth trying. You can always change back to the zebra later if you like. Why not have a poll among your RTW members? Maybe Janice can help you by showing how a poll is done? Now it’s time to say Goodbye and wish ALL the members of this wonderful blog group Good night from Sweden!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. bbnewsab says:

    Today is a “historical” day for you, KK! Your blog has, at last, surmounted the ‘Dunbar number’ obstacle! CONGRATULATIONS from Sweden!

    BTW How many flags/countries have you seen following your lovely blog?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. clanton1934 says:

      I think we have 28 now. K

      Liked by 1 person

    2. clanton1934 says:

      31 now, recent additions: Jamaica, Spin and China


      Liked by 2 people

  5. bbnewsab says:

    Wonderful news, KK! I’m so delighted to hear this news!

    BTW, your welcoming anchor is very big. Maybe too big? Maybe too stylized = it doesn’t look like a “functional” anchor. It’s too unnatural. Yet a good image. But I would prefer a bit of “humanity” attached to it. Like once God blow some life into the anchor. At the moment it looks more like a CGI object than a “living” thing.

    But I would like to hear what other members of your RWT “tribe” have to say about the image. My words are not to be seen as divine commandments. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. clanton1934 says:

      Are you suggesting that there is a God to “breath life in to it”?👀😈😇

      Liked by 1 person

      1. bbnewsab says:

        I’m not as good as Jesus to use parables. I now see it must be difficult to blow life into a metal anchor. But on the other hand, for almighty and omnipotent gods nothing is impossible. 🙂


  6. bbnewsab says:

    One more thing: What about combine the anchor with flags? Is that an idea worth considering? Or a beautiful bridge (preferably a natural one)? But then the bridge should dominate the combined image, not the anchor.

    You should try to find an image (or a couple of images) that express the primary ideas of your blog project. And that idea is, AFAIK, that you want to unite people from all over the world and build bridges to make this United Webbers of the World project possible. And then offer all members “food” for the mind (book reviews, beautiful pictures, philosophical essays, memoir-like first person memories and so on. In short, a blog that strives to educate people and is intended especially for educated people who find knowledge both inspiring and awesome.

    Just my thoughts. Now I hope more members will share their ideas to make this United Webber of the World (UWW) project a “global” success. Don’t be afraid to diss my ideas if you think they are full of bullshit.


    1. clanton1934 says:

      Remarkedly, that review of your items, Janice & I discussed that today: “Assessments based on selected poetry, book reviews, music, visual art, and philosophical essays

      Liked by 1 person

  7. bbnewsab says:

    Apparently I’ve become a mind reader. 🙂

    If I were Pope Francis, I would have blessed both your project and the ideas you and Janice exchange.


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